26th MAY 2000

3rd great granny just passed away 3 weeks ago. it did not hit me hard. the truth is that i did not shed a single tear, not even out of emotional condolences or compassion. did not really understand why. i was quite emotionless, going through the service in the chapel like a normal sunday service. listening to the repetitive reminders from the pastor that we will meet those who are now sleeping in the Lord's arm, if we believe.

i am not her immediate descendant. great grand pa was quite frivolous at his time. even her immediate grand daughter (my distant auntie) slept while the pastor addressed us. what do u think? emotionless. i guess the refreshments after the whole damn thing might be of more appeal to some of those who went for the sake of going. pretentious hand shakes.

the lifeless being lying in the wooden casing did not look any familiar to me. she fell in the room. nobody was at home, only the maid. they always leave her alone, at home. the stranger in the coffin looked bloated. still with fresh stitches on her right brow and face. she fell on her face, dentures crashed in her fragile mouth, specs pierce right into her face. lying in the room for God knows how long. she was the only one who could hear her own silent screams and wails, and God. until the maid realised the bloody scene. it was a painful struggle. still in the coma stage,a last grab on hospital's bedsheet with a little jerk, she was enunciated dead, floating away with God's shimmering angels. see you great granny.